What to do: Most important: Cultivate the right mindset. Remember, using your hand is according Wilson-Howarth actually more hygienic, not less, than using toilet paper. Even dirt from the river bank will give you good bacteriological cleaning. In other words, the dirtiness is primarily in your mind, as Potts found out one day on the road. It was very strange. Then, of course, I washed my hands extensively afterwards.
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I speak from hard-won experience, Little Grasshopper. They do a dump and run, then everyone is ending up encountering this stuff. Because with practice, you can get it down. After all, as Lanksy and others pointed out, we are biologically designed to squat. Traveling benefits: Mastering the squatter will save you tons of heartache, stomachache, time, comfort and embarrassment.
Frank Bures is no longer baffled by bidets, stumped by squatters or a prisoner of paper. He is free to go wherever, or however, the road takes him. Soldiers ordered Bill Donahue from the vehicle. Would they administer primitive justice?
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Located in a grand, year-old townhouse, it has multiple levels and rooms to explore, as well as a large, luscious garden in which to shoot the breeze when the beats get too much. An altogether stylish and sultry club with a party pretty much every night; more local on weekdays, more touristy at weekends.
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One of the first and best, this summer-only canal-side club is nestled under an enormous weeping willow. You can drop in during the week for a beer, but the place comes to life at the weekend, filling up with an after-hours crowd, happy to chill, drink and dance the day away.
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Winter parties are now held in the nearby Hoppetosse boat at Arena Berlin. By day, there might be kids playing a laid-back game of volleyball, with a jerk chicken stall on the side.
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Crowd-wise, expect it all: fresh-faced student revellers and wizened ravers of a dreadlocked persuasion are among the regulars. Decadent and trashy in equal measures, this ruin-esque former brothel attracts both glitter punks and health goths, who sway to experimental electronic music, down cheap beers and soak up the laid-back vibes. This is the X-rated part of the expansive, family-friendly Holzmarkt development. With a moored boat, a roaring fire at night and many hammock-like features, the potential for alfresco relaxing is high. Meanwhile, a fine roster of electronic DJs spin away unendingly — sometimes for four days straight.
The vibe is more crusty than chic, and increasingly so as the weekend unravels. This knackered old house was perennially at risk of being torn down and turned into — of course — trendy apartments. Once-sporadic parties follow a regular weekend rhythm these days, usually running till the last man stands. Students and wasted ravers press up against expats from Mitte in the reliably crowded rooms, which are still set up like the flats they once were — complete with the odd bed.
On languid summer afternoons, the club hops across the river to an intimate open-air wonderland called Else. Abandoned silos, treehouses, bonfires and beaten-up old cars litter this almost derelict club. The toilets are perhaps the grimmest in Berlin, which is really saying something.
The colossal location is breathtaking, but only a tiny portion of the vast space is in use; plans to create a huge centre of alternative art and culture have so far resulted in the OHM performance space next door and large-scale experimental music festivals, such as Berlin Atonal. Once home to a rather hit-and-miss music policy, with the occasional live show, this grimy little club has now settled firmly into a series of all-weekend techno parties.
The Thursday night parties are particularly raucous, with the club carrying on until pretty much Monday afternoon. The atmosphere is extremely relaxed and positive, staying true to the Berlin party ethos of egalitarian fun with no fashion police or posing allowed. What is a surprise is the free entrance and cheap beers. There are three areas for dancing, drinking and hanging out, with each room playing a different genre of music, from conventional techno to novelty hip hop.
The space is surprisingly large, but retains the energy of a house party. Finding the entrance can be a trip in its own right — the club is literally underground. Walking down the concrete underpass to the entrance, it feels more like the approach to a car park than a trendy club.