Guide The Perfect Parents Guide to Simple and Effective Discipline

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Never repeat a common multiple times as your child will quickly learn that you are not being serious and continuing to misbehave will only result in more harmless words. Use 'I' Messages when disciplining your child. Rather than saying "you made me upset for not cleaning up your toys' phrase it as 'i am upset that you didn't clean up your toys'. Statements with 'you' in them can seem accusatory and lead to aging that may be avoided.

Ensure your child understands that you love him or her, just not the behavior. Over-praising can make your comments less effective. As your child is already used to following your instructions, you can expect better results when your child does misbehave. It reinforces the fact that it is okay to hit people if they misbehave, a trait you definitely do not want your child to adopt.

Spanking has been proven to be no more effective than other methods of discipline and can even make children more aggressive and angry. Offer rewards and praise for good behavior, just not for doing routine activities. It is also important that you understand the difference between a reward and a bribe. Bribes are given to get your child to complete a task while rewards are given after. You want to avoid bribes as it can teach your child to take before giving.

By being a good role model you can be sure that your child is only imitating positive traits. Simply ignore any protests and continue to act on the punishment.


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You can discuss how the punishment could have been avoided later after your child has calmed down. Learn to ignore minor or harmless misbehaviors such as fidgeting. Reacting to every little thing your child does with discipline can lead to an inferiority complex. Perhaps the most important point, provide your child with a safe environment.

Ensure that your child feels secure and loved. A safe and secure child is more likely to respond positively to discipline. Seems like a lot to take in doesn't it? Don't worry, with a little practice discipline is can be both easy and effective. The first step to better discipline is to identify and encourage good behavior.

You will find that it is much easier to reinforce good behavior than it is to prevent and change bad behavior. The easiest way to reinforce good behavior is by offering praise when your child successfully completes tasks or performs well.

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Although your child's mischievous smile may suggest otherwise, children actually will seek approval for the things that they do, especially from their parents. A simple way to let your child know that they have done something correctly or taken the correct steps to do something you wanted is by showing affection. A hug, kiss or smile to reward the little things such as sitting quietly, completes a chore without any problems or even simply playing cooperatively.

Don't forget to give verbal approval. When you are giving verbal approval don't just say 'Great job' or 'Well done'. Tie the approval in with specific behaviors or actions, for example 'I like it when you put your books away when you are finished with them. Some children respond effectively to making good behavior fun. Your child is more likely to follow your instructions if he or she is having fun.

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For example, say 'let us see who can pick up the most toys' Jump in and race your child don't get too caught up in the competitive moment, let your child win. I know it took so long to get to discipline techniques, but it is important that you are knowledgeable about the basics so you can effectively implement each technique. You can use distraction to get your child's attention away from inappropriate behaviors.


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Suggest a different activity or play toy. Do not use something your child will consider a reward to distract your child. Tags: Parents Parents - Communication, identity and behaviour Babies and toddlers Babies and toddlers - Behaviour and learning Children Children - Behaviour and learning. Discipline is not another word for punishment. Disciplining your child means teaching them responsible behaviour and self-control.

By disciplining your child you are attempting to:

With appropriate and consistent discipline, your child will learn about consequences and taking responsibility for their own actions. The ultimate aim is to encourage the child to learn to manage both their feelings and behaviour. This is called self-monitoring. At its best, discipline rewards the child for appropriate behaviour and discourages inappropriate behaviour, using fair and positive means.

Some parents think that discipline means physical punishment, such as hitting and smacking, or verbal abuse such as yelling or threatening the child. This is not discipline. The consequences of physical punishment Children learn by example. It is important that parents act as a model for how they want their children to behave. Using physical punishment or inflicting pain on a child to stop them from misbehaving only teaches them that it is OK to solve problems with violence. Children learn how this is done from watching their parents use physical violence against them.

Reasons for misbehaviour Children misbehave for many reasons: They are too young to know that their actions are unacceptable. They are frustrated, angry or upset and have no other reasonable way to express their feelings. They are stressed by major changes such as family breakup, a new sibling or starting school. They are not getting your attention when they do behave appropriately. They feel you have been unfair and want to punish you. They need a greater degree of independence and feel constricted. A very young child, such as a baby, has no comprehension of right and wrong.

Children under three do not misbehave — they have needs that they want met, such as hunger and thirst.

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When they continue to go out in the sun without their hats, they are not disobedient — they just cannot remember. Try to explain things to your child in a way that matches their development level and remember to also lower yourself to their physical level. Children act out their feelings through their behaviour, so it is important to understand the feelings behind the behaviour. Routines help a child to learn Children learn how to behave by copying the adults around them. They thrive when they know what is expected of them and their day has a similar pattern to it.

Children feel safe when they know the order of events and can predict what will happen next. Clearly explain the preferred behaviour and make sure your child understands what you expect of them. For example, it is normal for young toddlers to make a mess while they are eating, because motor control and table manners take time to master.

Young children are also unable to sit at the table for long periods of time and often need to eat much earlier than the family is used to having their evening meal. If you must make threats, make sure they are reasonable and carry them out. Generally threats show our frustration as parents or carers and are not a positive way to encourage the behaviour we want in children. Ask your child to be involved in making some of the rules for the family. Explaining consequences Good discipline helps a child to learn that there are consequences for their actions.

Ideally, the consequence should immediately follow the action and should be relevant to the behaviour. This is a time for the child to regain their composure and return to the group with their dignity intact Play by themselves when they have been aggressive. As children get older, under the guidance of helpful discipline, the child will learn to take themselves to their room when they are losing control.

It may be best to temporarily remove yourself from a situation you are finding stressful. This may mean making sure your child is safe and leaving the room for a few minutes. Another option is calling a friend or relative to give you a break. Reinforcing good behaviour A child naturally wants the love and approval of their parents, so one of the easiest ways to encourage good behaviour is for children to know what behaviour is expected of them and to know they will be recognised and encouraged for it.

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Empty nest syndrome The grief of empty nest syndrome often goes unrecognised, because an adult child moving out of home is seen as a normal, healthy event Foster care Foster care is temporary care of children up to 18 years by trained, assessed and accredited foster carers Kinship care Kinship care is the care provided by relatives or a member of a child's social network when a child cannot live with their parents Moving out of home — tips for parents If you don't approve of your child's reasons for moving out, try to keep the lines of communication open Permanent care After experiencing abuse, neglect or rejection, many children are slow to put their trust in anyone Single parenting In single-parent households, issues such as holidays or major family purchases are more likely to be decided with the children Stepfamilies Becoming part of a stepfamily involves adjusting to a number of changes Surrogacy Surrogacy is a form of assisted reproductive treatment ART in which a woman carries a child within her uterus on behalf of another person or couple Communication, identity and behaviour 10 tips for managing sibling rivalry Teach your children to sort out minor differences themselves Body image and young people - staying positive video The pressure on young girls and boys to be physically perfect is creating an epidemic of children and teenagers with low self-esteem and negative body image.

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The younger they are, the more cues they take from you. Before you lash out or blow your top in front of your child, think about this: Is that how you want your child to behave when angry? Be aware that you're constantly being watched by your kids. Studies have shown that children who hit usually have a role model for aggression at home. Model the traits you wish to see in your kids: respect, friendliness, honesty, kindness, tolerance.

Exhibit unselfish behavior. Do things for other people without expecting a reward. Express thanks and offer compliments. Above all, treat your kids the way you expect other people to treat you. You can't expect kids to do everything simply because you, as a parent, "say so. If we don't take time to explain, kids will begin to wonder about our values and motives and whether they have any basis.

Parents who reason with their kids allow them to understand and learn in a nonjudgmental way.


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Make your expectations clear. If there is a problem, describe it, express your feelings, and invite your child to work on a solution with you. Be sure to include consequences. Make suggestions and offer choices. Be open to your child's suggestions as well. Kids who participate in decisions are more motivated to carry them out. If you often feel "let down" by your child's behavior, perhaps you have unrealistic expectations. Parents who think in "shoulds" for example, "My kid should be potty-trained by now" might find it helpful to read up on the matter or to talk to other parents or child development specialists.

Kids' environments have an effect on their behavior, so you might be able to change that behavior by changing the environment. If you find yourself constantly saying "no" to your 2-year-old, look for ways to alter your surroundings so that fewer things are off-limits. This will cause less frustration for both of you. As your child changes, you'll gradually have to change your parenting style.

Chances are, what works with your child now won't work as well in a year or two. Teens tend to look less to their parents and more to their peers for role models. But continue to provide guidance, encouragement, and appropriate discipline while allowing your teen to earn more independence.