It's like epic madness that had me laughing every other page. Just a giant wacky burrito covered in awesomesauce. Yes, I'm aware that I use burrito analogies a lot. What can I say, I like burritos. This book is the first in a new spi "Hold your balls, Andrus. This book is the first in a new spin-off series to the Accidentally Yours series. Accidentally in Love with I think you can read it without having read the first series, but it helps if you know the world and are familiar with the characters.
It all starts with two gods: Cimil - the craziest and funniest goddess ever; and Zac - the god of temptation, getting in trouble for the things they did that almost caused the Apocalypse. They have to pay penance by helping all of the other gods and immortals find their mates. It's like going to jail and being sentenced to run a dating service for the inmates who are considered dangerous psychopaths. Not exactly easy to set them up with their soulmate. Personally, I consider the burrito my soulmate. Andrus is going to meet his mate in just a week and Cimil has hired Sadie to help him behave in a more civilized manner towards females.
He seriously needs this help! This is how he gets ready for his practice date: He did wear his lucky leather pants, but those smelled of victory. He had killed at least seven hundred evil vampires while wearing them.
All right. I probably should've worn the pants without the bloodstains. At least he'd brushed his teeth at the airport. All right, he'd gargled with whisky. So what? And, even after being under Sadie's tutelage, when she asks him what is the first thing he should do when he meets his mate, his answer is: "Show her my sword.
What the hell's wrong with you, kid? Are you a spawn of evil or something? The problem is that Sadie and Andrus are kind of digging on each other. They both know that he is going to meet his soul-mate in a few days, but they can't help feeling attracted to each other - much like my attraction to home-made guacamole.
It can't be stopped. But, hey, if the restaurant makes it, it still counts as a home-made item. The food lives there.
Along with my happiness. So, we get to watch Sadie try to civilize Andrus, Zac-the god of temptation going crazy over the most wholesome girl on Earth, Cimil try and keep her four evil-children happy, and all of the gods at a singles mixer. It is one hell of a crazy burrito ride! You really need to read this book! View all 13 comments.
Well it wasn't so much the story, as it was the writing. One thing I can tell you though, is that this put me right off wanting a Unicorn. Yes I'm serious. The man shook his head stiffly. Then they use that horn to impale you from the rectum and drink 3. Then they use that horn to impale you from the rectum and drink your insides, using their horn like a giant fucking straw, while you remain awake for the entire event, screaming in agony.
Anyway back to the writing. My issue with that one was how silly it got. Now, I enjoy a bit of immature humour. I'll laugh at a fart joke and snicker when someone says anything even slightly willy related, but there is a line between silly and stupid, and that book crossed it for me. The same thing kept happening in this book not as much, but still. But it makes me think of a tiny willy. I don't like it. There shall be no weenie yoga in this house, thank you very much.
We'll stick to pumping the python or flicking the bean. Another example - 'man-sex-kitten-hair' This does not create a very masculine or sexy image to pop up in my head. So now not only am I picturing the main man with a tiny penis even though it's me tioned A Lot how big it is , but also with some weird girly hair.
Why not say like a lions mane or some such shit. Granted most of the men are man-whores and everyone is bonkers, but this isn't intended to be a serious tale. It's a light-hearted 'romp' whatever the fuck that means , with a deadly 10 inch hung 'hero' and a strong heroine. View all 12 comments. Jul 31, Carol [Goodreads Addict] rated it it was amazing Shelves: paranormal-fantasy. Cimil is back!!! And she is still up to her usual crazy antics. She and Zac are now running the Immortal Matchmakers agency as part of their punishment for their previous crimes.
They must find mates for one hundred of their immortal friends. Andrus Gray is a Demigod and also an immortal assassin. After a disagreement that turned ugly between Andrus and Niccolo, Andrus finds himself with no where to live and nothing to do. Sadie Townsend wants nothing more than to be an actress. She spends her days between running from audition to audition, and working as a waitress to try to keep from losing her apartment.
So when she is hired to try to teach a sullen man how to properly romance a woman, she takes the gig. What she finds at their first meeting, though, is the most beautiful man she has ever seen with bright turquoise eyes, in leather pants. He is also the most sullen, rudest, most obnoxious, full of himself man she has ever met. Andrus does not want a romance teacher. He is fine just the way he is. But if Cimil really does know who his destined mate is, maybe he should give her a try.
But one look at the delectable Sadie has his mind going in a whole different direction. This is a hilarious, sweet and sexy story. Sadie has just seven days to try to make a romantic, sensitive man out of Andrus. But the more she gets to know him, the more she falls for the man he already is. And Andrus is clearly smitten with her. But he is supposed to meet his mate in just a few days. So he is as good as taken already. Still, maybe it would be okay to just have one night with him so she will know what she is missing.
At the same time, Sadie keeps experiencing lapses in memory, and waking up with bites and scratches all over her body. What is happening to her? Who or what is hurting her.
Immortal Matchmakers, Inc.
Andrus is determined to find out who is hurting her and to keep Sadie safe. This is a fantastic, fun trip into the crazy world of the immortals we first met in the Accidentally Yours series. It is so much fun. I loved getting to know Andrus and Sadie in this book. He is tortured by their prim and proper office manager Tula. It is hilarious. View all 32 comments. This was very, very entertaining! Andrus was so sweet underneath his barbaric ways and Sadie was super sassy with a hidden twist. The story was very humorous, a tiny bit serious, and very sweet. So if you haven't read those books, you may feel a little lost- like I did- in the beginning.
But you will quickly catch on. Seems like mostly what you missed was, gods behaving badly; and now it's clean up time. So anyway, I enjoyed this light hearted, mostly funny, sweet nothing heavy story. I am so very tempted to 1-clicked the next book, Tommaso because there was a very juicy teaser for that one at the of this one. But I have put myself on a very strict no random 1-clicking diet. I can't give in already. It's still January Happy reading!! View all 10 comments. Normally, I'd read a book that had a bunch of elements that rub me the wrong way and I have nothing kind to say, but somehow, that's not the case this time.
I should be widely irritated. These characters were over-the-top, irrational, nonsensical and idiotic, and yet I had a lot of fun reading about them. Go freaking figure! I really enjoyed Andrus. I wanted to know even more about him than what was revealed in this story. I even looked up a visual reference for him and found myself even more in Normally, I'd read a book that had a bunch of elements that rub me the wrong way and I have nothing kind to say, but somehow, that's not the case this time. I even looked up a visual reference for him and found myself even more in lust with his character.
Could you resist that guy? With a hilarious HFN ending, this story was wacky, funny, overdramatic, and a real good time. This story was insanely entertaining! Mar 25, Steelwhisper rated it did not like it Shelves: boring , childish , hero-heroine-tstl , paranormal , 1-bad , all-tell-no-show , comedy , m-f , dnf. This has to be the single most idiotic and childish book I ever tried reading. And no. Not funny.
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Holy Smokes, you guys! This one was actually good, for real. What panties? Hers had just melted off. This was my last shot to Mimi and quite frankly had I paid attention, I'd find this was a spin-off to the Accidentally Series and I would have never picked it up. What I liked: 1 There was actual humour! And not of the cringey variety either. Take that, Sun God!
This guy, total asshat but so awesome! Other than how he talked and led you to believe so, he didn't think of himself as a gift to humanity. I loved this teddy bear!! I am officially declaring you a dating crime scene. Praise God and I mean my God with a capital "G" she wasn't a tstl whiny bitch who thought she was a special snowflake and deserved nothing but the best. Sadie wanted to kick the man in his beautiful face, but it was way, way up there.
The guy was like six six or something. She was nice without being fake and real. It was very easy to see yourself or someone you know in her what with her struggles, not wanting to end up back home and falling in love with a guy she knew it could never happen with. Real, see? Will I continue with the series? I've learned, especially with respect to Mimi Jean, it's better to quit while I'm ahead.
And regardless of how much I enjoyed this, I know my patience with the Accidentally series and anything even remotely associated to it, has been shot to hell. View 2 comments. To call him a less than willing student would be an understatement, but there is something about him that makes her melt, or sizzle or both! Meanwhile, back at the office Zac is about to have his over-inflated ego handed to him on a platter as the new help, Tula, seems to be immune to his godly charms. Yes, I laughed and laughed again, as Fate and Cupid have another field day at the expense of the gods!
Fun, fast and furiously entertaining, this sexy-hot romantic tale is pure Mimi Jean Pamfiloff! Series: Immortal Matchmaker's Inc.
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View all 4 comments. Aug 26, Kelly rated it really liked it Shelves: hero-i-loved , humor , immortal-warriors-paladins , mythology , gods-goddesses , succubus-incubus. This review has been hidden because it contains spoilers. To view it, click here. I can not believe it took me this long to read a book by author Mimi Jean Pamfiloff!
This one intrigued me to at least sample it, then I ended up buying it. I did not regret it. Sometimes the humor books just don't grab me like they seem to do for other people. Andrus Gray the hero I just fell in love with. He was so straight forward. He had such an innocent, stupid, arrogant, alpha, fuck it attitude that was so hard NOT to love him.
S I can not believe it took me this long to read a book by author Mimi Jean Pamfiloff! Sadie the heroine was great. At least she didn't get on my last nerve like other female heroine characters. The only thing that had me bummed about the book was the mate.. I wish Cimil would of just said outright that it wasn't Charlotte, it was indeed Sadie all along. And if Cimil indeed really was telling the truth that Charlotte was Andrus mate then I will always feel it might come between him and Sadie.
They Audrus and Sadie didn't feel percent complete to me. But I still enjoyed the book and cant wait for the next in the series! Oh and I absolutely loved Zac! Feb 23, Sana Zameer rated it really liked it Shelves: mythology , fantasy , series , paranormal , romance , humor. Cimil and Zac are now running the Immortal Matchmaker Agency as punishment for their deeds in the Accidently Yours series.
They have to find hundred Immortals their potential mates before something very bad happens, like Zac flipping out and going on a killing spree. Their first victim client is the Demigod Andrus. Andrus was Helen's baby daughter Matty's manny. After Helena kicked him out Tommaso invited him to LA to meet his potential mate. Andrus first two dates were disasterous so Cimil hires a struggling actress Sadie Townsend to coach the obnoxious and insensitive warrior on being charming, so he can hit it off with his mate. But things didn't go according to plan.
With Cimil's powers stripped off, she can't see the future precisely. What happens is a freaking hilarious ride with Cimil trademark antics. But the best moments, in my opinion were between Zac and Tula. The God of Temptation is very tempted by his plain and sweet employee who is engaged to someone else. Hope Zac will find his hea soon.
Only the H is developed whereas the h was simply there as a shapeless character there to mold for just comfort. The story was mediocre and ok pass time. Don't really remember to say more or care to. This was short, but had me laughing the whole time!! I'm glad I found it now I will be reading more from this author. How can I not? Mar 13, Marta Cox rated it it was amazing Shelves: my-reviews , books-i-own. Trouble is Sadie is impulsive, hotheaded and has a way of pushing his buttons like nobody else.
Or is she usually right and if so what on earth is going on this time? I love these saucy characters with their totally over the top ways. This is paranormal romance like no other and always such fun to read. The first book in the Immortal Matchmakers, Inc. She writes the type of PNR that has readers smiling and laughing one moment, and cursing and making stabby motions the next. I always enjoy the rollercoaster o The first book in the Immortal Matchmakers, Inc. I always enjoy the rollercoaster of emotion that her stories take me on, right up until the moment they end.
I think all her fans have been especially excited about this newest series, which ties nicely into the fabulous Accidentally Yours series. Fans will remember Andrus from the Accidentally Yours series, but newcomers need not be concerned — the tale stands alone quite well. Andrus is definitely not your typical dark and dangerous alpha male, but seems to have a little bit more of everything, including ego. Who reads fiction to experience the typical, anyway? We are looking for the abnormal, the unique, and the something different…and this author delivers.
Book 1 — Andrus Sadie is a waitress working hard to support herself while trying to get her break as an aspiring actress. When things start to sour and it looks like a return home might be in her very near future, an unexpected and strange offer comes from her agent. Coach someone on manners for major bank? Sign her up. Sadie realizes that she will have her hands full the moment Andrus answers his door. Throw in a bloodthirsty and invisible unicorn, insane gods and goddesses playing matchmaker, and paranormal entities intent on death and mayhem and you have a fantastic beginning to this new series.
Goddess Cimil is now the unproud owner of Immortal Matchmakers Inc, in order to get her powers back she needs to use her limited gifts to set up demigods, vamps and the like with their mates. First victim, Demigod Andrus Gray. An arrogant former vampire assassin who think women's jobs are to do cater to his every need when he wants it and how he wants it. Cimil knows he needs work so she pretends to be a Hollywood agent and hires Sadie to teach Andrus to be a gentleman. That lasts about a half Goddess Cimil is now the unproud owner of Immortal Matchmakers Inc, in order to get her powers back she needs to use her limited gifts to set up demigods, vamps and the like with their mates.
That lasts about a half a second as he has no problem strutting his nudity which he proudly taunts her with and when he opens his mouth, Sadie wants to muzzle it or wash it out with soap, whichever will do the job. However, Andrus becomes fascinated with human Sadie, but his true mate is already setup for a meet and he knows he can't act on his feelings, or can he? Very fun read.
The end was a bit rushed I think and had me scratching my head a bit but overall I thought it was a hoot. Sadie is mouthy and has no problem telling Andrus off frequently. Andrus has quite the ego, he was hilarious. Several laugh out loud moments and the supporting characters were delightful. Definitely picking more up in this series. Jan 23, K. The amount of laughing I made when reading this book was ridiculous! I missed the characters in this book so Damn much..
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I remembered my extreme joy when I realised that the Immortal Matchmakers existed. I never wanted the Accidentally Yours Series to end!! All these characters just cracked me up and made me HOT! I loved them to tears. Andrus Gray, the former demilord and a demigod referred to Accidentally Married to He, however, was a manny to little Matty, the vampire daughter of Helena and Nicolo. Well, until they kicked him out. Andrus had nowhere else to go.
Torturers and sadists, nightmare made real, the dark eldar are evil incarnate. Cold and beautiful, slender of bone, their lithe appearance belies their deadly talent for slaughter and cruelty. From the hidden city of Commorragh, the dark eldar launch their lightning raids into the depths of realspace, sowing terror and leaving devastation in their wake. They hunt for slaves, fodder for the hell-pits and the petty amusements of their lords who draw sustenance from the blood shed in ritual battle.
For in this hellish realm, living flesh is currency and Overlord Asdrubael Vect rules above all with the greatest share. Beneath their supreme master, the archons of the darkling city murder and cheat to keep one step ahead of She Who Thirsts. For the dark eldar harbour a terrible curse, a wasting of their flesh that can only be slowed by the infliction of pain. The alternative is damnation and endless suffering, a withering of body and mind until all that remains is dust. But such hunger cannot ever be sated. It is a bottomless pit of hate and depravity that lurks within the dark eldar, a vessel that can never truly be filled, even with oceans of blood.
And when the last drop has bled away, the soul thieves will know true terror as the daemons come to claim them Whether you are a simple observer or perhaps an unwitting participant in the unfolding drama before us please be most welcome. Unfortunately I must begin by breaking with some of the ordinary dramatic conventions at this juncture.
You see this is the second of a series of three parts, a triptych if you will. Those of you who have followed this darkling tale thus far will already know most of these facts and so I hope you can forgive my indulgence of those only lately arrived. If you are confident in your recollections then I invite you to proceed without diversion.
However, some perspective is useful both for those ignorant of prior machinations and for those many great minds that failed to grasp their immediate import at the time. First then, our stage: Commorragh, the eternal city. Dark, terrible, delicious Commorragh, where pain and subjugation are the meat and drink of ageless creatures of unfathomable wickedness. To fully understand Commorragh one must understand the wider universe that bore it. So, to begin with here is a secret that if properly understood might change your perception forever.
All of reality, everything we see as static, safe and secure, is in fact in constant flux. The grains of sand on the beach demonstrate more solidity and longevity than the cherished absolutes of the worlds we believe in. Such hilarious conceit! What amazing hubris! Mighty Commorragh is a facet of reality born out of hubris, and a very different one to the random dross thrown up by nature. It is a pearl consciously aggregated out of the spittle of creation by ancient, mortal minds that thought themselves the equal of the gods.
And what a place they made for themselves. Beyond Commorragh and its enslaved sub-realms the material universe moves on: civilizations rise and fall, stars implode and the whole rough scrimmage over ownership of the galaxy continues apace. Within Commorragh a long, dark midnight reigns that has gone on unchallenged for millennia. Its inhabitants eternally cheat death and avoid their ultimate fate at the claws of She Who Thirsts, the daemon-goddess of their own creation. Sensuous, sadistic, pleasure seeking, these are the dark eldar, last remnants of an empire that spanned the galaxy in its time.
Few have fallen as far as the inhabitants of Commorragh without being destroyed utterly. Still, pity the poor Commorrites, trapped upon a stage of their own making.
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They can take brief forays in the material realm to assuage their gnawing hunger, snatching what they can to carry it back to their eternal city, but they remain ever-hungry. Every day She Who Thirsts drinks a little more of their soul and that growing emptiness can only be filled with the suffering of others. The players: A group of Commorrite nobles intent on reclaiming lost glories in one of the endless power plays of the eternal city.
These were unified by their ancient bloodlines and a contempt for the new order imposed after their forefathers had been overthrown.
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Incidental characters included: the master haemonculus Bellathonis employed to effect a proscribed resurrection, Lileath a young Exodite worldsinger kidnapped to be used as pain-bride for the operation, and Sindiel, a craftworld renegade who was eventually persuaded to save her. Perhaps most significant of all at this point in events was a bodyguard and executioner by the name Morr, a member of that curious warrior cult known as the incubi. To their scheme, then.
Alas, the nobles could match Vect with neither brute power nor subtle intrigue. Confronted with these facts the leader of the conspiracy, one Archon Yllithian, persuaded his co-conspirators into a singularly dangerous course of action. Predictably their scheme miscarried and they instead raised something beyond their power to control — the soul of this great noble corrupted by an entity native to the ever-changing realms of Chaos.
This composite entity — quite possibly an emissary of She Who Thirsts — appeared wrapped in the seeming of the leader they sought. The consequences fell thus. Of the nobles but one survived the immediate aftermath. The bodyguard Morr, to his great distress slew his own noble master, Archon Kraillach, when he realised that Kraillach had become corrupted by the entity. The entity itself murdered the third noble, Archon Xelian, with a memetic curse when she proved intractable to its aims.
These consequences alone are, of course, really quite inconsequential when compared to the harm that all of these dramatic events conspired to inflict on the metaphysical fabric of Commorragh itself. Here another brief moment of explanation is in order. It is best to imagine Commorragh as a bubble maintained by equal pressure across its entire membrane. If the membrane is breached the external pressure forces what is without to come within to the great detriment of anyone in the vicinity at the time. Over the centuries Commorragh has incorporated many other little pearls into its bubble, encrusting itself with a hundred stolen realities to be enslaved and exploited.
Ripples in the surface of the membrane can also dislodge these satellites realms, setting them free to drift and realign chaotically. So, now you know all that brought the tale to this point. Invaluable knowledge that will pay dividends later, I feel sure, although I promise there will be no quizzes. And who am I?